Astonished At My Own Selfishness

Hey Humble Readers...

Have you ever had an eye opening experience that reveals some part of you that you are ashamed of?  I learned tonight that I am a very selfish hobbit.

I found out tonight that my grandmother (Ginny's GG) is not doing well.  Some background... she's the grandmother who had a series of strokes three years ago.  We thought we were going to lose her then.  My Beloved and I flew home to K-town, anticipating a funeral. 

But in true Grandma-stubbornness, she hung on.  She improved.  She would be in a nursing home, but she would survive. 

The past few years have been a series of ups and downs, and GG has surprised us many times, bouncing back from the brink.  The whole family acknowledges that it would be a blessing if she could just go... living partially paralyzed, in constant pain, and confused most days is no quality of life. 

So, tonight when I found out that she's having problems breathing and that she may be having more serious heart problems, what was my first thought?

She can't die right now.  I probably can't fly, and I don't want to be 32 weeks pregnant and doing a 12 hour road trip to go to a funeral.

How awful is that?  

I don't want to lose my grandma, but I know that it might be for the best.  I hope and pray that she holds on, honestly, because I want her to be able to meet this Halfling this summer.   Again, selfish.

*****
Also, please pray/send good thoughts for a long time family friend, R, (he worked for my parents for many years).  He recently lost his step-father (who also worked for my parents), and now he has just been hospitalized with liver failure.  He is too young, around mid-50s like my mom, and his youngest daughter is getting married this summer.